I was going to write something but then I forgot.

Lucky for you I remember now!

Yeah so basically I haven't bought anything from Ten Ren in over 2 year. But I went tonight just cuz I was in the mood for spontaneity and Ten Ren was the only thing besides like bars that was open. Also, it felt very Taiwan to say at 11 pm at night to your friend, "Hey! Let's go grab some bubble tea!"

I'm never going back to Ten Ren again here.

First, the guy working at the cashier tonight TOTALLY ignored me. Took my friend's order (cute girl, guys can't ignore her) then proceeded to skip to the guy who just walked in that he knew.

Second, milk tea was watered down.

Third, the bubbles were not very Q at all. In fact they were squishy like an oversoak sponge or something.

I'm still upset the guy totally took my friend's order but proceeded to ignore me. It was straight up rude.

The bad bubble tea was just insult to injury.

Pride is one of the hardest things to stamp out. Because even when you're on a roll with everything else, the moment you congratulate yourself for being so awesome and doing such a good job, you have fed your pride's insatiable appetite. I'm not gonna lie, my pride is something that I secretly feed. I think I've gotten good at denying it on the surface, but pride is like that secret beast you're hiding in the attic, who you occasionally slip some leftover meat to so that it'll survive.

Pride is the ultimate survivor. It has this amazing ability to self-preserve no matter what the cost. Like I've resorted to self-depracating humor as a way to circumvent my pride from getting injured. I'm willing to make fun of myself just so others won't get the chance to, all in the name of... not even saving face... but just nursing my own pride.

THIS is all no good, my friends. THAT is a lie to my self. And that is a sin.

Accurate self-image is so hard to have. I think it's so hard to have in this world anyway. We really don't know how to look at or appreciate ourselves. I am so thankful that the Lord of the universe has spoken truth into my life about what I am (a poor awful sinner) but at the same time spoken the biggest truth about who I can be (a redeemed child of his kingdom) through him who completes everything.

Lord, may you forgive me of being prideful.

Of thinking I'm smart. I know I'm not real legit smart, but I know I'm not stupid either. I'm kind of smart, and that's enough to keep my pride alive. But God has really been humbling me lately because no matter how much I understand the material in class and no matter how hard I work on my lab reports, I get some of the worst grades I've EVER gotten in my life.

It's about time my pride was broken.

I was talking to my friend Sarah and another friend about people who use Adderall to get ahead in school. While I would never on account of integrity, I think I've chosen not to more on account of pride than anything else. Because I damn well need to know I have what it takes, and if I use Adderall to get it I haven't proven it to myself. So when I passed orgo with a better grade than the guy who popped Adderall the night before the final, I felt good. MY PRIDE felt good.

Lord, may you forgive me of being prideful.

A long time ago, my freshman year I think, Pastor B from Bethany Prebyterian came to speak for KCM and said some words on humility that have struck me to this day. The only way to remedy pride is to take the spotlight off ourselves. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, he said, but true humility is thinking of yourself less.

When I think about myself, I care about myself, I feel good about myself, and my pride and selfishness begin to get carried away.

But if I stop focusing on myself, what do I focus on?

God. And nothing else.

That is my prayer for this day.

Give me Jesus. You can have all this world, all my so-called success, all my pride, all my injured pride. Just give me Jesus.

Through the last 40 days, and I'm sure also in the next 40, God has revealed there is so much idols in my life. Beyond belief.

I never knew I had this, but I cling to a significant and dangerous "God plus one" theology. That is, God plus a new car, God plus good grades, God plus a good MCAT score, God plus musical skills, God plus income source, God plus girlfriend... and then everything will be okay.

I'm actually quite able to let go of these things, much more easily than I think I was in the past. Slowly but surely over the years I have been able to surrender them to God and for God to be my one and only God.

But there is a huge idol in my life. And I am still struggle to let it go.

God plus Taiwan.

When I get beat down by school and just life in general, I reminisce about the joys of my time in Taiwan. Those are all from God for sure, but I have to say, Taiwan has in some ways become my one glimmer among the sad bleakness of Maryland. I mean just from the food to the lifestyle to the good memories. I stream radio from TW when I'm online for crying out loud! I have issues letting go man.

But I know God wants me to. I know he wants to bring me back at some point, but it needs to be on his schedule, not my own.

I get so upset when my parents tell me we aren't going to Taiwan next summer. When they tell me I can't go back next summer, let alone next year. That they prefer me to stay in the US to job search and concentrate on apps. I get upset beyond a reasonable degree.

And that's when I knew for certain that Taiwan was my plus one. When in fact there should not be any plus one, just God and God alone.

Then God spoke all these words, saying,

"I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.

"You shall have no other gods before Me.

"You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth.

"You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.

[Exodus 20:1~6]