I am starting a new blog series! I promise this will be more successful than my previous attempts.
Just yesterday one of my friends posted a link from Mark Driscoll's blog and a lot of guys jumped on the recommending bandwagon. The entries were entitled
"16 Christian Dating Principles (Parts 1 and 2)" and I think Driscoll puts forth a lot of excellent and Biblical wisdom concerning dating, which is so important because the world really has no idea what to do with dating and this is one area where many young Christians still struggle immensely.
Driscoll very concisely explains the 16 basic guidelines on how Christians should approach dating -- both in attitude and in practice -- and I completely agree with every single one of them. I wanted to expound a little bit on each one, how it looks like in practical terms from this guy's perspective and how these things work out in real time (from my relationship). I will be framing each entry around each one of Driscoll's principles.
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Principle #1: Maximize your singleness for God.I personally believe too many young people are caught up in figuring out how to get into relationships (I know because I have once been there too) instead of focusing on living out Godly singleness. "Godly singleness" is NOT merely a euphemism for single Christian, too pansy to pursue a girl or start a serious relationship. Godly singleness is what happens when a young man or woman is committed and submitted to the will of God.
Wasting time figuring out how to get into relationships looks like this. You like someone and all your energies are devoted to matching yourself to them in some way, trying to make yourself as palatable to their tastes and interests as you can so that they will notice you and (hopefully) like you back.
Godly singleness, on the other hand, looks like this. Your time and energy is spent focusing on the person that the Holy Spirit is shaping you to be. The emphasis here is on Godly character and integrity. Guys are focused on what it means to be a man of God and girls are focused on what it means to be a woman of God. Being in a relationship, for example, doesn't make you a man. You need to be a man first before you can even think about a serious relationship. This is the best preparation for being in a relationship -- to be first in a loving relationship with Jesus and to be growing and maturing from that relationship.
Both the future missus and I have discovered the joy of being on the same page, and I can tell you that being unified in Spirit is the only way it can happen on that kind of level.
Besides that, the season of singleness is wonderful for many things, especially ministry related. Once you enter into a relationship, your ministry focus changes. While we are both still involved in many of the same ministries at church and just life in general, we both tacitly understand that our primary ministry now is towards each other -- as husband and wife to be -- and our future family together. Just as the #70 rule for a gentleman states: Your lady comes first. Always.
Neither season is better than the other because both are important, but being single allows you to minister to youth and college (as I have found) in a way that being in a relationship doesn't quite allow. The demands are different in different seasons, that's all.
The most important thing is not to be gung-ho on your own about the season of singleness but to seek out what God is doing in your life. For me, God was doing a lot of personal healing for me but also allowing me to really invest in relationships with other brothers and in protecting younger sisters -- both at church and in my campus ministry. I was also given many opportunities to go on overseas missions. It was a beautiful time of my walk with Christ.
Indeed, in my walk with Christ, I walked with Him right from the season of singleness into the season of dating (and now preparing for marriage). Quite literally too. I had just stepped off an airplane, returning from missions in Korea, and the very next day I was officially dating. Just keep walking with Jesus. This is where Godly singleness will manifest out of mere singleness.
I know now, especially in hindsight, how much more grateful I am that God protected me from pursuing what was wrong during my single years and that I am reaping the blessing upon blessing of it now.
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